Twenty-Two

Dear Auni,

Congratulations on being 22.



One day we will die. One day I will die. 
And what is left then, is my stories. 

But today, you are alive. 

I wanted to write something this day, but I do not know where to start. Too much things burdening my heart, I needed only one phone call. To Mama. 
Calling her and just tell, tell everything that have been bugging my mind for months long. I wanted her to know how things in my life didn't get any easier, and I wanted one last assurance that she would pray for me no matter what, so I could feel calm and relieved. 

For once, I just wanted to feel right again. 

When I told my friends that throwing birthday party isn't really a thing we usually do in my family, I actually doubted that. Because as far as I can remember, I did have my own birthday party when I was a kid. Mama would invite some of her friends coming to our house, and also my neighbourhood friends that would join along. Meanwhile, I would be that little anxious kid waiting for Bah coming from work, bringing cake Mama promised me beforehand. To me that time, while there are friends to impress... it's important to have cake. As cake means celebration.

What year was that? I could not recall.
But surely that time was a good old time. That I got to celebrate with just all everyone that I love. And nothing more important that time... than to have one good cake. Receiving just bunches of gifts, real hugs and warm wishes.

And most important, Mama was there.

Looking back 10 years ago when I was just twelve years old, I had nothing else to aim for in this life but to make Ma and Bah proud of me. Even I could still remember when I rushed home from school riding a bicycle, with the fastest speed I could go... all the way to tell them that I got all As in exam.

I thought at that time, how life is exciting when we got to achieve our targets and goals.

I continued my will to aim higher then, just to get passed all exams with nothing less than all As. How important the wisdom I learnt at that age, defining happiness as success and only it.

But well, I made it.

Allah granted whatever I want, I pursue everything accordingly in my plans. There were ups and downs along the way of course, but they were all just a learning curve to get me tougher.

All my life, I have been relying to a mother's Dua' while feeling right about everything. I would call her just every time when I was about to enter some battles. Either it's an exam, or simply an interview for scholarship. I made it in the support  of Mom's love. Allah accepted all my Dua's and granted me safety from anything with the assurance that Mom's love indeed has a special treat from Him. All my life I have felt secured and at ease. And, having heavy heart is nothing usual.

But now, it's completely different. As the battle is more real now. This is it, my real battle.
 Though it felt as I have lost the weapon. Of a mother's prayers.
 and the question that bugs my mind every night, do I still have home to return to...

What is left for me, then.

If this is the real test of life, how do I go through one more day when there is no single night since Mama left, have I slept without teary eyes and wake up to another day without heavy heart? In fact, enduring heavy heart has becoming common feelings, I forgot how was it to feel whole again.




By this time, I must have forgot of all good bondings that shall make me look forward for one more to-morrow. Also, on that day of how this one soul has said to me calmly,

"This is just a nightmare you can always wake up to, Auni. Always, count the blessings." 

Indeed without tears left, I am blessed with good souls around me, that expected me of nothing in return. All they have been doing is feeling the empty gap, and be there as much as they can. How awful I could be as a person to take that blessing for granted. . .

So Thank You, to you know who you are.


There are many things have happened along this year, most are all big things that I did not expect. From such big thing as my country's political change of government leads... to something as big as I am now living my dream... to also, of the day I learnt on acceptance. . . of Mama's leaving.


It hit me since, while I am not sure of the day I would stop grieving. I probably would not.
and, I hope that's fine, I'm coping with it through.


The age of 21 has taken me to such different whole new level in understanding life. I could have taken pride in saying "achievement unlocked", considering all the important events I encountered at this young age. Though for real, I didn't had chance to be prepared and be ready for any of these obstacles and achievements I experience. But I am, facing it (one by one, and after another) anyway. With an open heart... with the remembrance that all of these happened for a reason.

Nothing, with the faith in God, and with Tawakkul that all things are in His control, happened for the reason unexplained. Therefore I will stay, however, to live.

And most important, I have learnt better about myself day by day.
About things I haven't figured out before; of my capabilities and hidden talents, of my strength and imperfections. Of my brokenness and vulnerability. Just all that made me realise how complicated being I am just full with paradox; however, also in the same soul is a confident and strong woman.
I am taught to be this fearless... who is not afraid of being herself.




For the beloved friends, Thank you for being the best of you every time. I owe you a lot I couldn't pay with coins and dollars, and all the concern you showed me I rest to Allah in repaying each of you... with nothing but goodness in this life. Indeed, may Allah bless.

Thank you.

I haven't said this, yet all of you have truly made my day. 

Dearest my girls (S, T, F and Y),

Thank you Y, for the hot chocolate you made on the day I temporarily left back for Malaysia. I swear, it was more than just a hot chocolate you handed to me. The gesture that reminded me so much of Mama throughout last Ramadhan, because my heavy sleeper ass couldn't wake up for Sahur and that she handed me cup of a drink to make sure I actually had a proper Sahur... on bed.

Thank you for the abaya and the baju kurung you packed me for tahlil night, the bath robe to be used at nenek's because the towel I had could just be less travel-friendly, for packing up my things when I couldn't think straight on what to pack, the passion fruit tea you made (the tea was really soothing), and just all of your help and thoughtfulness... S.

To F, that was there all the time. It means so much, of your presence that I shouldn't ever taking that for granted.

And that one night's conversation, T. . . that you were there by only listening to my loneliness rants and tried not saying anything because you took me serious when I said I might just need a listener that do not have to say anything.
I guess I lied that time as I was being too defensive towards that particular guy, most probably that I was just protecting him. In fact, I needed a true listener; ones that do more than just listening. And you have been listening to me well enough, of all this while.

After all, each of you, are the best.

And the celebration uguys threw last night was a blast one, it was indeed one of those nights I don't want to forget. I felt blessed.
Meanwhile the boys . . . from the deepest of my heart, Thank You x 3






Therefore, this is it.
I am Auni.
This is 2018, and I am moving forward.

Night to remember

dear friend, 

I could still remember when I first met you guys (after college days) in the university on the very first day of university registration, we were settling down our accommodation in the office for Cyberjaya.. that soon to be our place for two years. I saw each of you with such tiring soul but somehow feeling excited insides that things were going back to normal. At least to me, that I still got place to continue my study; pursuing whatever that is left in Auni's big dream box. I bet, you guys were as well. 

Throughout these two years we have had joy times, sad moments, had fight somehow, all just like sibling to one another. I believe we are close by now, in this love-hate relationship we have build in these two years time. I wonder what's inside each of your mind, how you value all these precious thing we have. Do you value the same as how I do?

We almost had it, my friend; but we lost it eventually. And that has lead to this almost 4years of journey together back from the college days to this university years (though it's not all sweet and happy episode throughout) still, this bonding we have is nothing mediocre. So here it is to the friend who has been one call away when it comes to the new invented fried chicken in town, to the friend who complains about my best-need-to-explain jokes but still sometimes laugh at it anyway, to them kiasu friends who compliment how padu you are, but ended up they being even more padu, to the friend who sings loud with you in the car coz paying for karaoke is just mainstream and to many more of you that I (still) can't get enough of; thank you for existing in my journey. 

Tonight, this is OUR night. So here is to celebrate what we have along this journey, the ups and downs and the thrill phase of being accounting undergraduates soon. We have about one year left before we settling down for good career ahead. By that time, any of this photos will just be memories to be reminded along the year we age older and wiser. Tonight, all of you look spectacular in the nice attire you wear. The guys look extra charming, and not to forget the girls all look so beautiful and classy as you guys are. All that you wear comes with good heart, and that matter the most. 

Thank you for the memories we shared.

You are the best and I love (read: am annoyed w/) you to bits and pieces.

half of year to the land of whites

It's still a dream, at least to this day.

That we all are still hoping, to feel the winter, to touch tulips during spring, to immerse the emotions during summer, and yet to be surrounded with whites and diversity of the World.

Life has always been a journey, and mine is a transition from a place to another. 

The age after 17 was the long age, but fast in motion. 

I met faces, i knew names, i shared stories.

Millions of them, sometimes trillions of them. 

I might miss this chance again. I might pass this one with success, somehow.

It all perhaps. But it sure passes my control.

I know where to go, what to do, what to expect.

I am in super controlled. By my own hands, and my own thoughts.

Nothing to lose, yet I have everything to gain. 

That's at least pretty much sums up this stage of age. 

I am sufficed. 

This is for closing up of the stage when it is left by half of year to the land of whites;

and diversity of life. 

Till then. 

@ Heriot-Watt University, Malaysia

Twenty-one; the young and promising age

"You are now a young woman"

That was what people would say when a girl, reaching her puberty and she can no longer act freely as what she can. Because, people will talk. People will judge. And there are names she needs to maintain so that the dignity is well protected and honoured. That's the idea. More of a reality, to be sure.

Girls must be well-behaved. Cannot go out too often. Should be back home before night. Must tell who she's going out with, by 'telling' it should be understood that it must be prepared with details; is there any boys, what their names are, is it a normal friends or what. At least that's how I've been heard from my girl friends that there are some girls actually grow up with curfews.

But neither on me. 

Ma and Bah have this hidden or should I call mysterious power that even though they didn't state any curfews, I just know I should not disgrace them. I must, like any other girls, be well-behaved. Because after all, I am a young woman. And young women must know how to take good care of herself. I must know somehow, there are limits; though it has never been mentioned by neither Bah nor Ma, I just know. Maybe it's just the common sense I've been living up with. 

Common sense. 

That's the thing. For one issue to be sensed 'common', it must be talked timely; yet until everyone gets the idea. In this case, it's the society or maybe it just our world we are living in that keep projecting the idea-- girls must behave well and classy. 

I have such a limitless freedom and a golden trust from both of my parents, that even when I was in highschool I was the one who has been putting limit on myself. I hid my gadgets because I aware of the need to get myself focused on my studies as big exam is coming. I made myself pulling off the simcard and put somewhere hideous as if I will going to have aftermath memory lost and get to be forgotten where did I put. It was a struggle back then, living in such freedom and trust my parents gave me. Trust me, there were more curfews I myself created like a boundary so that I must not crossed over. 

There are some of my friends who kept rebelling over the same issue but with their parents acting strict on them, exactly like how I'm being strict to myself. 

I've always thought that Bah and Ma must have been "of course, she knew already. she's grown up now." 

And me "of course bah and ma don't have the need to tell, they know i know" 

Sometimes somehow, I just hoped that Ma and Bah could be more strict like other parents do. But most of the times, I feel thankful enough as how I have been treated, because from there I got to feel threatened with challenge and struggle, eventually I'd learn by myself. Maybe that's the parents' love that I don't really understand how, that actually they know myself better. Even better than my youth self. 

I consider that as a 'skill' of parenthood that my parents nailed in order to grow me up. 

Same goes to hijab. To be honest, I can't recall any of younger days when Ma handed me tudung and asked me to wear it. I just know when seeing my neighbourhood friends who happened to be my childhood bestfriend who would wear tudung whenever we go out together to Pasar Malam. She didn't tell anything either, maybe that's just how her action really influenced myself. And somehow that younger me finally then found out more and more ironies in her wearing hijab, after Ma sending me for Kelas Mengaji and islamic school afterwards. Bah and Ma are just smart I guess, for sending me to islamic kindergarden, islamic school up until my highschool ends. From there, I can say, education really has answered all my questions that the younger me has then nothing to doubt with. 

I grew up receiving everything they taught me, without any objections. 

Now, to think wiser, I'm in the phase that growing up more older gets me into more and more questions that the younger me must had not look deeper into. Or maybe, she wasn't curious enough to ask. For that's why I read, so that my older me won't regret my younger me to not have the courage to seek answer in the form of knowledge and belief. Human's traits, to live is to believe in something; which I rather call "perspective"-- or anything you may prefer to call. 

I have names that I look up to, basically my women crush and men crush to be idolized. Like an inspiration. In this year, I went meeting them one by one; by courage. I managed to meet the young and good potential Syed Saadiq and attended his debate class. I met the intellectual Redza Minhat and managed to book a seat in his conference on women empowerment subject. I learnt alot from both. If I could claim that as an achievement in meeting people I adore, I would. 

I can drive a car now. 

I can go buying my things without asking any boys in the family to send me.

I can go attending any of talks or conferences without first worrying who I will burden to.

I can go eating alone, because that's no abnormality in that. 

I can go out with anyone, because I'm privileged with friends.

But in the same time, I can also cry just before I start again

I can complain over thing that goes wrong so that I feel relief

I can choose, anything to wear, anything to say, anything to do

All just because I have choices and reasons to stand

And one of life's priority is to maximise my options.  

Life is in fact, a combination of what I chose. 

here's me turning 21; praises to God for showering His continuous blessings throughout my years

This is 2017, I've turned 21.

And I'm moving forward.

Who will love you?

I will love myself. 

growing up (by twenty)

Sunny yet satisfying. This day reminds me of how calm it was to be in Terengganu; the place where I know I'm not alone for there's always friends to accompany through emotions. A process of me growing up has always been about me and my endless wild thinking. I am indeed, a lady with worries and insecurities; of will I be fine and am I doing just fine?

By twenty I learnt that;

After so many times I mentioned this, let me do this one more time;

Alevels and the tough reality of I didn't get to achieve my dream; were you can say as my worst nightmare and sucks reality I need to move on from before 2016 ends. It is, indeed painful. The hardest was the first week when I couldn't woke up from sleep without a teary eyes and tiring heart. I was tired back then. I hated myself for thinking I didn't give my best enough. I downgraded myself for failing so many souls that believed and had faith in me. I cursed myself for holding too much hopes on dreams. And dreaming , at that moment, to me, was too painful I just want to sleep without dreaming and getting haunted by my continuous thinking. 

However, despite of all the storms and rains throughout my tough times as a very young learning teenager, there'd always things I hope I could tell my kids that I was indeed, in past, a mistake-doer. For by bruises, tears, and blood; I learnt. 

By twenty I learnt that;

Poetry and Coffee are actually my soul. First introduced to Lang, I know this is just the one. Every random page brought me to different horizon and different feelings to have. Rumi, the islamic poet who taught me to love God more deeper through writings and love letters ; Quran and Hadith as the core sources. Learning some of Quran ayah being interpreted to poems; that's just overloads ecstasy to my soul. Till I found Aan, the indonesian guy who taught me to love without accounting further consequences, who also taught me to appreciate a moment of solitude; the only moment I can know myself deeper. Not to mention, how Murakami brought up such a new perspective in life to me. Poetry; indeed, something that lives inside me. 

The idea ; is to do what you love with love. It can be anything. Like horse riding, playing guitar, singing or just anything that you do will then give you happiness. You need to find what you like and love, put your passion in it, for that it makes you what you are. Life shouldn't be a dull and tiring journey, even though it literally is. The best thing I learnt about living is that; you are the one with all the courage and passion you have, to define you, your life and what you are as yourself. No one could ever say no to things you like and love. Like how Nike put it together; "Just Do It".

(Me meeting Aan on KL Literature Festival yesterday)

#dreamsdocometrue ; it was a day before me turning 20. Such a gift, indeed. 

The heavy consumption of coffees, on the other hand, are like, 

the reason to stay breathe out; 

the reason to live on.

Some view coffee as a pill to stay awake, some use it for escapism from sadness, some drink it because of love; for whatever it means to someone, I'm grateful to have this magical drink exists. 

By twenty I learnt that;

I am happy. 

I learnt that I am actually happy, with every little things I have; I just sufficient like this.

By twenty I learnt that;

The number of guys I met couldn't define myself as a person, but the lesson I got; is. Guys the most frightening monsters I sometimes be afraid of; are just like books. Every soul I meet is a book, to be discovered and indeed, they might offer lessons to learn. My advice, don't be scared to meet a wrong person. I mean that's how you'll become wiser while eventually discover what kind of guy you really want. 

Build your walls (thing i tell myself) Just like how Rome wasn't built in a day, that also reflects your walls and pride. It can be earned only when you get yourself bruised and bleed like hell by people who treat you like shit only then you learn, to have a long list of boxes to be ticked on before welcoming someone new to your life; that is indeed holding possibility to be your one.

By twenty I learnt that; 

It's all or nothing. That I don't deserved to be fooled by those unlogical reasons to not being appreciated and respected. I learnt to be choosy, when it comes to friends and possibly everything. You girl, deserve to be heard, appreciated, cherished and yet respected by anyone. If one couldn't do that to you, it's either they are too foolish or they never meant to be in your life in the first place. 

By twenty I learnt that;

Something are just meant for temporary. Like dreams, friends, or lover, maybe and only maybe they aren't for us; that we shouldn't have too much worries of thinking what the hell we did wrong. And people that come in to your life is like a gift from God to you. You are special that some people might be just taken away from your for reason. And as the Giver (God) , He could remove away anyone as He wills it. For that, you shall accept happily. 

Commit mistake, and learn. 

That's when I know not every lesson comes in the book. You shall ask. You shall question everything; just all this and that. And get something from it; you might figure out the bonus to earn. Possibly a lesson to learn.

By twenty I learnt that;

This dark night will pass. 

This painful reality of me not achieving my ultimate dreams will pass. I am, going with the flow; that it shouldn't mean that I am giving up my self-effort but it rather about me accepting this reality. It is, indeed the time of me recognizing when it is time for action and when it is time to sit it out. I will just do my own remedy, and let this dark night pass.

One thing that is certain about life is that; its ever changing nature. It is indeed, a cycle. "After a lavish summer come the trying times of winter; then the spring follows."

This entry shall be longer, realizing the fact that numerous lessons I have gathered through these past 20 years of living.

I am no one, not a well-known writer and not even someone your neighbour might know about. I couldn't write so perfect you'd find it's flawless. I am no perfect indeed, I commit mistake too much, I am clumsy most of the times, I break so many hearts by being who I am. For that, I am truly sorry if you are one of those. I am not always emotionally-stable, I get mad over simple thing, I cry everytime I got hurt, I laugh too much I didn't realized when did I actually get sad.  I am dull with just looking to my outfits when black would always be in carts everytime checking out from shopping, I have very selective taste in music; I am indeed a boring person. 

For this special day of mine, I sat on, trying to figure out all these facts that you and your neighbour might actually not know. Here are the 12 of so much randomnesses of myself; 

#1 I always think I have such a quite long name compared to the other siblings. And "Auni" is such a complicated name. I could still remember when my Indian teacher call my name as "Ayuni" for the rest of school year just because she didn't know how to pronounce it right. I don't like being called with the second name (Najihah) just because the meaning of the name to me is too perfect; that I think I don't suit it best. By the way, Najihah can be translated as "success" and I don't think I have succeed in life. Just yet. Just so. 

#2 When I was a kid, my ambition was to be a scientist just like the Einstein. Then I changed my mind to be a policewoman when I was ten. Just because everyone wanted to be doctor then I changed my mind AGAIN to be like what my friends aimed to be; a doctor. But Biology is hard to catch up while I was sixteen so I just wanted to be an accountant. Well. Until today, I don't know what I am going to do in future. This time, I just want to be the best. Haha.

#3 I like cats. I like everything with fur, and for that I can't tolerate with fur-less animal such as Lizard coz you know yucks! But Bah won't allow us adopting a pet in house but that's okay. I like goats. Coz Bah once ago has adopting more than hundreds of goats and I had an experience in taking care of baby goats. 

#4 My lifetime secret idol is my eldest brother. Not everyone in the family has noticed that I always want to achieve exactly what my brother has achieved. Like, I wanted to study abroad because he studied abroad. I have a big passion in books just because he is a big fan of books and knowledges. I listen to Death Cab of Cutie because it was him who introduced the band to me. 

(Nobody knows that I secretly cried a week after he got married just because I got to realized I have lost my favourite ears and shoulder to cry on)

#5 I love all my siblings so much, even the youngest one. I just think I shouldn't tell them. 

#6 I love Bah and Ma so fairly equal that I think they are the biggest blessings in my life. 

#7 I have always wanted to go to Beijing instead of UK; just because of its culture and traditions.

#8 I don't know how to get crush on someone. The least thing I know about having affection to the opposite gender is by falling in love. And the first guy I liked was this someone when I was still a standard six student in primary school. My first guy I dated was in the final year of highschool. I was a Summer to an unfortunate Tom for about three years along that. Maybe, I shall just stop talking about monkey-nonsense-love-story by now. 

#9 I do think, beyond my personality that is sometimes said to be good and nice girl, I pranked people a lot that I DID think there's very evil personality lies in me. I pranked a guy who I just know with oreo filled with toothpaste; for that I got ignored by him for 2 semesters in college. It included how I pranked a guy from uni by concealing the fact that his wallet is with me for more than 24 hours. There were sooooo much more, u just couldn't imagine I could be that evil.

#10 I bought books A LOT. just because i love the scent of book pages. I have like one big box full of books, that I don't have time to read. Sometimes, I just thought that there should be a perfume with a book scent; I would definitely going to buy dozen of it.

#11 I started writing this blog since I was very young while highschool. The very first name of this blog was "thekucingbelang" 

#12 I hope no one would read my writing or if ever did,uguys are hoped to never mentioned to me because I got facepalm everytime. It must be the worst writing ever written and read by people. 

#13 I believe in horoscope. Not literally, but I find horoscope to be a good start to know someone without them telling. I am scorpio and I love all the scorpions I meet. I just think we (who is scorpion) are fated to be a lifetime team. Know that, scorpio is the most powerful zodiac among all. 

#14 I have always wished to have more people wishing me birthday with long letter or even essay like how I did to some of my favourite people. I like reading thoughts of people about me. Sometimes, appreciation essay ,to me, is more meaningful than whatever things one could give me as gift. 

#15 I think I shall just stop writing facts about me; it's getting to be troublesome. 

Through everything around me, through bruises and bloods; I learn. 

And this is it. 

I am Auni, 

I am twenty years old.

It's 2016 and I'm indeed up for even more lessons and knowledges of life,

Thus I am moving forward.

growing up

New labels; growing up

So it has been three years now since I wrote my first entry in this blog, even though as you can see I've earned hundred of followers I'm sure none of them are my readers. But that's why I started blogging, is to write without having anyone read. I just need a medium, when I can just write anything without get judged by anyone. I don't even know how to react knowing someone actually read my writing by which I can say it must be the worst ever reading material you need to deal with. All the grammatical errors from my first english entry are purposely kept just as my future reference that I was a grown teenager who never stop learning and still do. That's the purpose also, to improve my writing skill even I must say that I really got no talents. Either it's writing what I love to describing something, I was just that bad. Not even really good at vocabulary, I still learn. An absolute learner.

Apart of that, it's 2015 now and in few days I'll be turning 20 unofficially. I can't imagine how time flies so fast that it feels like it was just yesterday I received my spm result that I was happy that day and was looking hard to get a scholarship so that I can fly, my dream since I was kid. Unbelievable; that's the word to describe how far have I gone now that just few steps more then I can breathe the European air like how I've always wanted. Even so, I still the same person I used to be. Like how I was in highschool, my novels and unnecessary books are a lot more than my study textbooks. It just that I love to be with my books whenever I go, away from home. Having all the favourite books with me, it's like I'm bringing my home along my way.

Remembering how I was very sad after knowing I couldn't make it to MRSM, was the lowest point of my life. At the moment, I realize that there are many things I want are something I don't need. I can't even imagine if I had the offer from Mrsm, how that decision will change my life now. I'm in love now in learning accounting and economics, and if I enrolled as one of the mrsm student I will never be pursuing the same path I'm now, my true passion. My point is that, Allah really knows what I need. even more than what I think I need. I don't know my true passion, until Allah has given me the chance. I still can't get over how I was mad that time, I cried a lot just because I don't get what I want. I still remember how I told Ma that there'll be no school after this. I want to stay at home. No mrsm, then no other school. I was a bright girl at school and never a record I made disciplinary problems. But it was when I was in form 4 that I skipped a whole week not attending school, just because I was so frustrated not being offered for mrsm. Ma was the great hero that time, she was there everytime I cried and I can't imagine life without her. We went to mara head office quite several times but no offers come after that.

Then one day I came to school after being scolded by my class teacher. He was the new teacher back then, he never knows what was my problem. The only thing he knows was I'm that irresponsible class assistant who always skipped class without reason. Not so long after that, I had my mid term exam and I got B for biology which is not that good for me. I found it hard to understand biology, it's like I was learning something without my heart at it. "If we were going to stay like that, I won't get as many A's I could to have mara scholar for overseas study", I told myself. Just then, I revised everything and decided to change my course. That's how I finally found this passion and what I actually been looking for. This course I've chosen has changed everything and eventually the reason for who I am now. I'm totally feel so blessed.

Alhamdulillah.

But it was few years ago, when I still too naive about this life. All I know was to score the best result and leave this country. But I'm sure, I have grown up now. To learn that life it's not just about what I want and desire. It's something to do about my gratitude to what I've been provided and accepting every single thing Allah has given. Each of it is blessing and I should be more grateful for many years to come.

In mkic, I've met many kind of people, too many faces to digest making me want to pack all things and leave the place as soon as I can. I have had many faces, the one that hates me in secret, the one that betrayed, the one who said she will stay but never, and the one who seems happy but actually is not. I learn to accept everyone's flaws, and tolerate with each. I learn to always keep my patience and don't simply express everything out just because I was mad. Respect; even though they are not from the best family background. Because after all, we are all the same and still learning hard to achieve our dream. I learn to always improve myself better every day, I'm no perfect but I can change to be better. I should be positive and always striving hard to gain best result. Nothing comes easy, but it's not impossible. As long as I'm in mkic, it does mean I still hold the chance to be in Uk soon. I know that I'm capable to ace it, and I really will.

Moving to a new year now...

2015; and my music taste is still the way I used to have. Lullabies, or any song that in low note melody are my main preference. I have like a long list of songs in my playlist but only few of them are my all-time favourite consisting of Birdy, Kodaline, the beatles and Coldplay. Not to mention, Death Cab for cutie! I'm still the same movie enthusiast like how I was years ago, give me whatever movie then I'll rate it. Psycho > horror. And both Yash and Nolan are all time favourite. My favourite series of course the CSI, the apprentice and Shark tank is the added favourite. teehee

Another six months, I'm sure I'll be missing everyone in mkic. But I'm okay with that, surely okay. I want to work double hard this last semester and ace every papers with flying colour. I'll ace all the pointers required by mara and I'll surely get to fly to Uk. I can't wait for that, but I'm sure wherever I'm going be after mkic is surely the best place for me. May Allah wills it.

This is 2015; and I'm moving forward.