As how every story starts it good with "once upon a time" or "legend has it", I do have a tale I built with my dearly Ma. Well, they say tale is merely a story that often uses 'forever'. Though we all know they lie that every tale will finally end eventually; and forever is like a fraudulent promise no one could hold onto.
In the end, let's agree some promises are just words.
My tale has it, I have a dream and Ma has it, too. Note that, I call it a tale for it has ended. Just so.
We dreamt that we'll have our own empire that is blessed of so many pure souls that will then be nurtured with knowledge together with us. It was pure one; the intention of Ma and me. We wanted to build a home of happiness and knowledge. Ma sees that as happiness. I see that as educational. We merged the dream becoming one.
Ma was the sole manager and incredible pursuer. While, me was a helper. A thoughtful one.
Ma settled down only in few weeks, she is indeed the superwoman in my life. Though at her 50's, there is nothing she could not do, when Ma being herself. Her passion is something I couldn't find in any other women. Not even within myself. I wish to steal her passion somedays.
We began to collect everything needed one by one. Little by little, we managed to furnish the home exactly like a home. We hoped, that day, this one home will last forever. I had a wish to take good care of it though I might have something better to do in my life plan.
That moment, I secretly wished I could make this last long; this home we built.
Everything bought was on cash, except for few things that we couldn't afford a straight cash at a time so then Ma decided to list it on as credit for some limited times until it can be fully paid. Ma knows what she's doing, i know. We all know. We, of course, had our faith in her.
"When starting business, always prioritize cash. Do not ever start the business with debt. Do not trouble your business by starting it with loans"
I guess, even my accounting lecturer never said that. Such a good advice from non-business background woman like Ma. She knows what she's doing.
She's indeed both a great teacher and learner. Even at her 50's she never give up learning new things, she always seek knowledge to polish her faith and self. Ma is a reader, a good one; coz you'll find her sharing every information that might be beneficial to her daughters and family. A preach to her, indeed.
That time was perfect. I just finished my highschool and was waiting for my result for higher level of education. As what they always tell me, I dreamt too much. I dreamt too big.
I didn't see myself settling down my undergraduate at any local universities. I've always imagined myself going to class with three pieces of clothes while wearing black favorite boots of mine. Maybe, I was imagining myself studying at Alaska. Lel. But that's how it came, the so big dream of mine and the name of our home built.
'Impian Najihah'; Najihah because it's my another name. The name that I rarely use, because it's too perfect for someone as broken as me.
It was raining back then. With the old car of ours, Ma took a drive with me. To get our very first customer.
Our very first fortunate pure soul to be taken care of was the one that we managed to meet their family ourselves. Yes, that's how Ma doing her business, she goes to customer instead. She convinced that we are a good team, and of course can be trusted. Ma is indeed, good with words. She could make someone think twice before saying no that eventually it's a yes at last. She's amazing with this. A talent, i guess.
Months by months, everything went so well.
We managed to carry out our every activites scheduled, everything was running smooth and steady. And Ma still as strong as she could, physically and emotionally. With some of our workers helping, we are more than just a team.
Until that day, when everything gone a lil bit out of track. We realized that, it has too much holes to be fixed if we were to last this home the longest. I won't tell too much how it ended, the dream, the home and everything relating.
I took further step in my life that time. I had things to manage thus letting Ma alone with the home. Not everyone really understand this concept of home we built. That's why it was getting uncontrollable at times when Ma becoming not as strong as she was. I wished by that time, to have more hands, more legs, more me(s). So that I can be in many places at a time, so that I can help.
It was depressing part of all the tales you might heard.
One thing for sure, such thing as broken dream is real.
Something aren't meant to last long, like how you imagined it would. Something are meant to be demolished before it worsen. Something are meant to be lost, before we have the chances to get something better.
That is how it goes, Impian Najihah was a metaphor to my real dream. And for Ma, too. Ma's tale aren't meant to be true. It lasts as that; impian dan dongeng.
Today, while writing this entry; I want to strongly remember few things.
That I deserve a good life, a better one. That my walls shall be high, too high not everyone can pass through. Only a strong warrior would do. That to achieve a dream, you can and you may. But you cannot do it alone, so take a good partner. By a good partner, I mean the loyal enough to stay with through ups and downs. By a good partner, I mean the supportive one. And that would be enough to make everything last long. I doubt my says.
You may think what I told is hard to be understood nor imagined.
But you cannot doubt that at some levels in life. You gotta give in, and put an end to it.
Something just meant to be lost. Hold onto my words.
