growing up

New labels; growing up

So it has been three years now since I wrote my first entry in this blog, even though as you can see I've earned hundred of followers I'm sure none of them are my readers. But that's why I started blogging, is to write without having anyone read. I just need a medium, when I can just write anything without get judged by anyone. I don't even know how to react knowing someone actually read my writing by which I can say it must be the worst ever reading material you need to deal with. All the grammatical errors from my first english entry are purposely kept just as my future reference that I was a grown teenager who never stop learning and still do. That's the purpose also, to improve my writing skill even I must say that I really got no talents. Either it's writing what I love to describing something, I was just that bad. Not even really good at vocabulary, I still learn. An absolute learner.

Apart of that, it's 2015 now and in few days I'll be turning 20 unofficially. I can't imagine how time flies so fast that it feels like it was just yesterday I received my spm result that I was happy that day and was looking hard to get a scholarship so that I can fly, my dream since I was kid. Unbelievable; that's the word to describe how far have I gone now that just few steps more then I can breathe the European air like how I've always wanted. Even so, I still the same person I used to be. Like how I was in highschool, my novels and unnecessary books are a lot more than my study textbooks. It just that I love to be with my books whenever I go, away from home. Having all the favourite books with me, it's like I'm bringing my home along my way.

Remembering how I was very sad after knowing I couldn't make it to MRSM, was the lowest point of my life. At the moment, I realize that there are many things I want are something I don't need. I can't even imagine if I had the offer from Mrsm, how that decision will change my life now. I'm in love now in learning accounting and economics, and if I enrolled as one of the mrsm student I will never be pursuing the same path I'm now, my true passion. My point is that, Allah really knows what I need. even more than what I think I need. I don't know my true passion, until Allah has given me the chance. I still can't get over how I was mad that time, I cried a lot just because I don't get what I want. I still remember how I told Ma that there'll be no school after this. I want to stay at home. No mrsm, then no other school. I was a bright girl at school and never a record I made disciplinary problems. But it was when I was in form 4 that I skipped a whole week not attending school, just because I was so frustrated not being offered for mrsm. Ma was the great hero that time, she was there everytime I cried and I can't imagine life without her. We went to mara head office quite several times but no offers come after that.

Then one day I came to school after being scolded by my class teacher. He was the new teacher back then, he never knows what was my problem. The only thing he knows was I'm that irresponsible class assistant who always skipped class without reason. Not so long after that, I had my mid term exam and I got B for biology which is not that good for me. I found it hard to understand biology, it's like I was learning something without my heart at it. "If we were going to stay like that, I won't get as many A's I could to have mara scholar for overseas study", I told myself. Just then, I revised everything and decided to change my course. That's how I finally found this passion and what I actually been looking for. This course I've chosen has changed everything and eventually the reason for who I am now. I'm totally feel so blessed.

Alhamdulillah.

But it was few years ago, when I still too naive about this life. All I know was to score the best result and leave this country. But I'm sure, I have grown up now. To learn that life it's not just about what I want and desire. It's something to do about my gratitude to what I've been provided and accepting every single thing Allah has given. Each of it is blessing and I should be more grateful for many years to come.

In mkic, I've met many kind of people, too many faces to digest making me want to pack all things and leave the place as soon as I can. I have had many faces, the one that hates me in secret, the one that betrayed, the one who said she will stay but never, and the one who seems happy but actually is not. I learn to accept everyone's flaws, and tolerate with each. I learn to always keep my patience and don't simply express everything out just because I was mad. Respect; even though they are not from the best family background. Because after all, we are all the same and still learning hard to achieve our dream. I learn to always improve myself better every day, I'm no perfect but I can change to be better. I should be positive and always striving hard to gain best result. Nothing comes easy, but it's not impossible. As long as I'm in mkic, it does mean I still hold the chance to be in Uk soon. I know that I'm capable to ace it, and I really will.

Moving to a new year now...

2015; and my music taste is still the way I used to have. Lullabies, or any song that in low note melody are my main preference. I have like a long list of songs in my playlist but only few of them are my all-time favourite consisting of Birdy, Kodaline, the beatles and Coldplay. Not to mention, Death Cab for cutie! I'm still the same movie enthusiast like how I was years ago, give me whatever movie then I'll rate it. Psycho > horror. And both Yash and Nolan are all time favourite. My favourite series of course the CSI, the apprentice and Shark tank is the added favourite. teehee

Another six months, I'm sure I'll be missing everyone in mkic. But I'm okay with that, surely okay. I want to work double hard this last semester and ace every papers with flying colour. I'll ace all the pointers required by mara and I'll surely get to fly to Uk. I can't wait for that, but I'm sure wherever I'm going be after mkic is surely the best place for me. May Allah wills it.

This is 2015; and I'm moving forward.