To the woman I am becoming

Growing up, from a little kid in primary to a highschool girl where I first know what 'in love' feels like, to the university student where I strive alot of things, to be a grown up woman now as I work from 8 to 5 and while holding the status of someone's wife. It has been surreal to think of all. 

I guess, I had a plan only until I married to someone. I know what was required (though not exactly) to be a wife, and that's it. It stops there. I have no further plan on who else I want to become. 

Especially, in becoming a mother. 

I have always loved Mama, with all my heart. I never thought of becoming her - a mother.

My husband and I of course had a talk on this before marriage, we talked on everything. But we have decided not to decide yet, but obviously as both of us came from family with siblings, we do of course want a child. But not now, not at the point during the early days of our marriage. 

And, I think, I am not babies person either. I am okay with babies but not too obsessed with them. I do hold someone's baby, but just because. I like toddlers, but not to the point I adore them so much. 

Mama had a nursery before, where we took care of so many kids. I spent a year after SPM, working for Mama in nursery. Nurturing toddlers, taking care of babies and just helping Mama out in her business. I am not fond of that, but I quite know what I was doing back then. 

However, it is of course different than having and raising your own kid right... 

We took the leap of faith on the last April. To try for one. Because why not - we thought.

and I have this crazy idea of becoming a young mom to a teenage boy. I find it cool. I do not want to be too old when sending my boy to boarding school. I want to be looked energetic, active and young by then. Haha weird, I know. 

and so we tried. Alhamdulillah Allah blesses us with the news that we soon receive this bundle of joy in the upcoming January. 

My journey since the early trimester was very easy, I hope (compared with other women I know). I had no morning sickness, I was okay throughout the first trimester. I went to Umrah in the second trimester, in fact. 

I am now in the last trimester, and have about 3 weeks to go. 

I think I can do it. 

I do not have fear, but I do sometimes feel anxious on what to expect. 

Most of the time, I just let it by and focus on 'enjoying' - by trying not to think too much. 

I had some conflicts of course (but I would save that for another story).

Becoming a mother now, as surreal as it sounds, I am glad that I went through this and enjoyed as much as I can. Struggles are real in some situations, but I cherished that as a phase of life I need to go through. 

I hope (really hope) that I could be a good one, but of course I do not want to be so hard on myself. 

This is something new. My body has been coping so well, I amazed of how amazing it has adapted to such big changes. I learnt so much during this phase and am so excited for the next few weeks. 

InsyaAllah we gonna meet my little soyabean in January. 

O Allah, ease our way.