Missing pages

Early this year, I had an intention to actively involve myself in writing again.

To fill the missing pages I have lost ever since Mama's passing. But I guess, it was not so easy anymore. The joy of writing has somehow disappeared. There were so many special moments happened along the years that have passed, but the process of telling it all here somehow felt difficult. 

I did not know what went wrong, but it obviously went different.

Looking at all the years/days/weeks/moments that I did not document, there were no memories to be pondered as much, or probably were less meaningful. I could no longer travel to the memory lane and mesmerize what it was like to be in the moment once again. 

I like to quote what Michelle Obama wrote in her book 'Becoming'

"Your story is what you have, what you will always have. It is something to own."

"The more I told my story, the more my voice settled into itself. I liked my story. What's your story?"

These two hit me so bad, as I read her book. Also, made me want to come back here and write. Just write something. 

I could not bear another missing page. 

There is consequence to that too, I believe. 

When I less write, I less remember my moments. I less appreciate what had happened in yesterdays. I less ponder on lessons learnt, or I failed to learn anything. Because, I had no thoughts. I didn't give myself space to re-feel after yesterday, so it went away as the days passed. Days that I didn't journaled just went away, as the new days come. 

Therefore, as the new year approaching I aim to do more of two things

1. To read more

2. To write more

Read, so I learn from others. Write, so I learn from myself.

In the meantime, I would like to fill in the missing pages as much as I could. Amongst the missing pages, are on my career, love, and life.

To more pages next year, InsyaAllah. 

:)