thought that kills

Maybe. I watched too much movies, that my life seems to be like one. Some movies are meant to be remembered, the plot with the memorable dialogues and quotes, the effect of acting, the soundtracks; like I was one of the character technically. I was the hero back then. The spotlight was definitely on me. Everything felt so much alive, and as if I was living in the city potrayed in the movie. The sadness, the ups and downs, the joyness and happiness parts, were all about me. The movie is like my life in real.

Or maybe, my life is like a movie. 

Well, they say, Art imitates life and sometimes it is the other way around. How far it is applied to my dearly life? 

What it feels like being a Bruce Wayne, that you have everything so decent that your only job is only to help people? What it feels like being a Forest Gump, when life is just so unpredictable but managed to settle everything just in place? What it feels like being an Amazing Amy, when though everything could so uncontrollable at times, she managed to get all her everything into sense all over again in the end?

You see, I recall only good things that stored in my limited memory. I see only good. I potray only the ending of everything that will eventually fall into place at the final scene. 

I was wrong. Indeed. Movie is the observation of life. 

Movies are driven by life. 

I was wrong. My bad asides. My life isnt like a movie. The element of likeness of some stories in the movie that made me feel like one. I was wrong. 

I'm not like Bruce Wayne, I couldnt even be like one. I'm not like Forest Gump, I couldnt even be like one. No, I'm no similar with Amazing Amy, I couldnt even be like one. 

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One moment to ponder, what if, by chance, my husband cheats on me? Just like how the husband of Amy has cheated on her. Is Amy's subsequent action relevant? What she might do better? What could I do? What would you do? 

I doubted, as if we all could be like in the movie. Like the timing. Like so the actions. 

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As if killing is allowed and as if submitting to suicide is acceptable; in that limited 2hours and 30minutes. While in reality, timing as 'forever' could be too subjective for such an abstract matter called; life. 

Mess. My thoughts are in mess. 

Pardon for that. 

I would end this writing by now.