of the lowest point of my life

that I finally began to write again.

This morning I woke up with the same question as yesterday's morning (melancholic like that) ; "How could they call me a survivor when actually aku tak mampu terbangkan sayap sendiri?"

*(ft. Berdua Saja )*

How are you, people? Have you achieved your dreams? How far have you traveled? Are you happy? Have you got what you always wanted? If not, how did you survive? Is it normal to feel exhausted over the life you've been living in? Is it normal to cry over days that have passed? Is it normal to have overwhelming fear over the future?

And the list of questions inside my mind goes on and on. And everytime I walked pass the crowd of people, I can't stop thinking of how people live and then I began to reflect that am I really alone? Who else there in the crowd; that are in the same boat as mine? Do we have the same story?

sometimes ; I just hope that my life can be back to normal ;of when I know where to go and what to study.

Allah, why this is felt too burdening?

It has been three days now; from the day I knew that I am a broken dreamer. There's nothing left now but to move forward to the uncertain direction; I swear this is even harder than my past Statistics Alevel May/June Version; even harder than when I was in the state of not getting mrsm's offer. This is hard and the hardest of all the tests I've been encountered.

because after all; I failed with all my expectations.

I'm dying inside this concealed body I show to people.

 I woke up this morning and began to write this to anyone that cares; the simple message (reminder to myself) is to never lose the connection of tawakkul between you and God. That at least; the only thing I can believe in. The concept of which making me stop crying and to realize this is still a long way to go; for this failure is just a true beginning to something more bigger that not yet seen but will.

and as cliche as it can be 'Allah knows best' ; while you know not.

Alhamdulillah; yet all praised to Allah ; my true savior indeed. I pray that not just for me, but anyone who is in the same shoes to be grant the endless support and strength to move still and never give up. Have faith and do begin to have the endless tawakkul to the one and only ; Allah the Almighty.

Here is what I learnt; that tawakkul is a decision but it doesn't stop until you've got the result. Tawakkul, to what I understand, is the journey to the hikmah; to the final outcomes. It is the answer to your every prayer, but yet the answer is not what exactly the one you've always wanted. It is even miraculous than what you desire. It is a blessing of one true patience. And I, am looking forward to what this journey will bring me to. I won't lose hope. I will not, for God's sake.

To my support system, I need all of you more than anything now. So bear with me.

I might not be the true inspiration how some people expect me to be, even I couldn't satisfy my expectation to fly high. But one thing I know, I will raise up again; soon enough.

Soon enough, everyone.

from this lowest point of my life.