Today and I'm still putting up with the same usual struggles; but the most hardest struggle would be (at least to me) is to stay being positive. How many people in this world yang stay strong and always think positive; no doubt that you guys own my respect. I wrote and read so many resources of how to stay being positive especially when the hard times hit you. But most of the times, I failed in being positive (lagi lagi now) . I'll start to think of how people will judge and leave me. And likewise the most frightened thing that have always haunted me was; to get judged by people around. I hate to get judged. The second one would be to get dumped and being alone.
Why I came back to this medium, shall you know?
I rarely on twitter now, i mean I rarely tweet. I just scrolling through everyone's tweets and viewing their photos (instagram). I see those brightest smiles they show, and then I reflect to how messy my life is now. haha the truth is it's not that messy pun ( pardon the first week after result ) I'm getting stable now and I prefer to keep my life low profile and probably silent. I do wish someone from my highschool friends could hit the conversation randomly like how I always did to them. But yea likewise it won't be happening. Seriously, everyone is having their own life matter now and maybe is struggling like me as well. Deeply enough, I understand, lovelies.
But it was yesterday when there was this senior from Manchester who has been waiting for my coming this sept randomly hit me with a 'hey'. I don't know how to explain the fact that I don't know her and the fact that I won't be coming to the university at anytime this year. On second thought, she's a stranger. And I do really know hard it is to have the courage to say hey to another stranger despite the only reason was 'to get to know each other'. Then to make her feel appreciated I said hello back and we had a short conversation yet to me so meaningful. I told her everything the reason of I could not make it. She understands so well, all the words she sent are just so lovable like I've known her for years.
At the end before we end the conversation I told her how I hope to meet her in a year from now. And she ended the conversation by giving me her favourite ayah from Quran; which is to me is so relatable to what I'm facing now. No doubt this girl owns such a noble heart; I pray so Allah will ease her life in Manchester.
As a matter of fact, I'm going to a private uni somewhere in Putrajaya. I don't know what to expect, but to know Allah is there along my way, I don't have any fear now. To everyone who still there reading this, I don't know how to thank you enough for your concern and support. It just that, May Allah bless your life now and forever.
Till then.
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