One strange morning

A continuation from this previous post. 

Note that, this is narrated by: Orked

The shop was too crowded, and it was my first time there. From the Google search I did last night, the shop will be over occupied as early as 7am onwards. I must be early I said, earlier than 9am's Jason. A minute to 9am- anytime now, I thought. 

There was like a very long line of people queuing for the best Chee Cheong Fun in town. While I wasn't sure of what to have for this breakfast date, my eyes just couldn't stop wandering around. Tried hard not to look at each entry, for it has been a year not seeing Jason; this must my nervous wreck all over again. 

I've booked a table inside, just at the centre of the shop. Got two chairs for this table, I thought this must be just perfect for this breakfast date. Well, Jason mustn't changed from the last time I saw him, a year ago. Very punctual. I saw him first, from inside. I saw him taking a table outside. I swore over myself, that I must have forgot the fact that smoking area has always been the outside. How could I forget, how could I. 

It took 2mins to actually go to Jason that apparently had waiting outside. I felt the awkwardness, but there was nothing more I've been longing to, than to see his face, all over again. Just like the year that has passed. I must have missed him too much this time.

I took a chair beside him, now we are up fronting the entry of the shop; like a view. 

'It has been awhile. It's good to see you again, welcome back, Jason.'

It was strange, he didn't even replied with thank you before actually continues 

'So it must be frustrating for you not seeing me for such a long period of time.', says Jason with a little laugh at the end of his sentence. 

I laughed, as well. To break the ice, just to be less awkward. 

I ordered my coffee. Jason ordered his plain water. And we ordered a buttered toast, each. 

'I thought you drink coffee, Jason. Things must have changed, don't they?'

'I am on my gym schedule, it just the cut sugar thingy, just to be specific.', Jason acts cold. 

'I see.', I nodded. As there was his statement I need to agree to. This wasn't as the usual, I thought. 

I know this thing quite well. It is not about the awkwardness of two people not seeing each other for quite awhile. This is when feeling has lost its balance. I know. 

'I must have loved you extra too much, Jason. And what about you, like men losing his aim and objectives, why are you acting so savage? What wrongs have I made this time?'

'I don't know what to say anymore. I have things and priorities to handle.'

I heard them clear and harsh. It was strange but that sentence has penetrated my heart so painfully. 

'What do you need? I can provide you more time like how you've always got from me. I can give you years even decades, because that's just your trick in buying my time. Haven't it always like that?'

'Now you're acting a little more sarcastic than me.'

'We lost our way a long time ago. You realised, but you never want to act upon it. You kept silent, like a stone grown far too mature in the cave. You made me as I am such a fool; to be lied over waiting and waiting some more days.'

'I couldn't commit, I just realised it  A woman isn't what and who I need. I can't even fit you in any of my schedule and life. Of all I know, I do really like you. It just that, my time has been too mean to not allow me to give more than what I could. You are out of my capacity to earn, this time. I'm sorry.'

'You must have created another false hope this time, Jason. I can't remember any of those days you say this was an issue. Committing has should never be in our argument. I never owe your freedom, not even your life and commitment.

You mustn't seen me as the burden. You mustn't seen anything you love as your burden. How dare you could think that way? '

'This world has been too mean, and so am I. You can wait for me if you want to. All of these, I say, 

as you wish, Orked.', says Jason to sound mean. 

'This prediction was but half fulfilled. You acting easy, was the only thing that's in your capacity, isn't it Jason? And all of our dreams weigh on our spirits now, what am I to you? You say you like me: but truthfully no, you didn't. 

You don't know me enough to like me. You were just in love with me, and that time has long ago ended. What is left now, in you, is your ego, your insufficiency and your fragile-looking future.'

Jason reaches for one of his cigarettes, lights it and then leans back in the chair. Perhaps this is how I should stop describing this strange morning. I, on the other side, sip my coffee and try to imagine what it would be if things never even started in the first place. 

Or I shouldn't see Jason and be in love with him. Or perhaps I shouldn't meet him after we fall for each other, for the very early moment was too beautiful I wanted to stay adoring Jason and his manliness from afar; without hatred and regret. Pure and innocent, like him, in my mind projecting.